He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
