I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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