honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
