Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
