I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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