he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
