She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize