Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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