that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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