Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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