Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
