with your own penis?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
