She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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