I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
