The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
