he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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