He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize