That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He uses pillows to masturbate.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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