Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
