I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
