Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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