i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
