So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
