so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
