I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
