yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
