I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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