So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
