I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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