I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize