We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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