Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
