why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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