thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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