just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
