1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Alive.
So much puke
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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