im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
two words: eviction party
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have fence marks all over my body
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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