Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
