As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
