and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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