And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
