it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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