He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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