I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
