i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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