This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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