dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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