So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize