let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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