I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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