Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
