id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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