I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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