I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
