Just cropdusted the office
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
