Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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