Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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