wanna go halves on a baby?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
