Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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