he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
