"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
