Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
