Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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