Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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