apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
