there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
