sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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