did you get engaged???
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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