with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
