he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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